"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaimed that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed." (Isaiah 61:1 - NLT)
Healing?
Today someone asked me “Candace you have been sick since you where a teenager how did you deal with everything? What made you become the person you are now? Before you didn’t want to go to physical therapy? they said where you depressed in a state of denial?
My response was being sick at a young age its hard to face the reality of it. Because you feel like everything around is crumbling, you don’t know how to deal with it, its a lot to take in. Also, I wasn’t in a depression more like trying to ignore the reality of me being sick. Having support of the people you love is important, because without God and my parents I won’t know where I would be. They have motivated me and helped me to push through. Even though days when I am in tears because of the pain they have been there.
When this person asked me this, it made me think a lot. I mean I know God can heal me. But what if it isn’t Gods will, I have this thorn in the flesh forever? I mean Paul had a thorn in flesh, he had more dependency on God through the sickness. I don’t want to doubt healing but its a thought. I know people say go to the altar, hurry God is going to heal you. But I have been to many different altars and been prayed for healing. I am not healed yet, I don’t need to go to every service and go for prayer for everyone. I am lead by the spirit. Also, I am my own person, I know I am a person who lead by God. Trust me, do I want God to heal me? YES! Do I know what is taking so long? NO! Going through chemo right now I want this be a testimony on God’s great work. I don’t want to prepare my future off healing in a sense, I want to prepare my future for what is now. I don’t know what is going to happen. Its important to prepare for the worse. I want the best for me. I know I deserve it. I know that I am on a journey, a journey of healing. But what if this journey of healing is my whole life? What is this “thorn in the flesh” is there forever?
Also, today when this person asked me this, made me think of my life, I can counsel people who are sick, deal with pain and such. What if God is calling me to counseling and will use the experience to glorify God through counseling and sharing the many stories HE has given me ?
Sometimes I struggle with the love God has for me, how can God love me because I am sick. But I know that I know that God is good, He loves me very much! Ever since I got saved, I always had it in my heart that I wanted my life to glorify God. Maybe through suffering, sickness and pain (my life) it will glorify God. I don’t want to expect not being healed yet, but overall these are my thoughts. I do want God to heal me, but like I said its a thought.
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candacerojas posted this
