Joy, Love, Peace

Hebrews 12:1-2

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:19:56 -0400

My life right now is hard and painful. But today I have realized that I do not want to keep thinking about my pain and when is it going to stop. But I cried for a good 20 minutes telling God I can not do this anymore I need you to take this away please. I just felt in my heart to read the word, listen to one of my favorite worship songs and write. One of my favorite worship songs is Moving forward by Israel Houghton The lyrics are what I needed to hear “You make all things new, I will will follow you forward”. These lyrics when I was listening to the song, calmed me down, the pain left and begun to have hope again. What it says in Gods word”God won’t give us more then what we can handle”this is very true, when we go through something it seems very difficult painful and uncomfortable but God knows our strength can only come from Him.

How I think about my pain these past few weeks, I have cried so many times, but God knows what He is doing. He is the God who can do the impossible. I know God heals, He has healed me many times of liver failure, Lupus SLE, fibormalyia, ITP(low platelet disorder),close to kidney failure.) I have been complaining about my pain not once has God failed me. Not once did God leave me in my pain. Not once did God say goodbye I can not deal with this, but He stood by me. Nothing is to hard for God. As I am dealing with this issue, it is refreshing to go and be still, listen to worship music and refoucs on God who loves me. God cares about our burden, He wants to carry our burdens. We do not have to carry it by ourselves, give it all to God. God has unconditional love for us. We may not feel God cares because we are suffering but think about what is going to happen in the end. We have hope because God is good, never fails. Also He will never break a promise.

solitude.

Fri, 03 May 2013 21:28:21 -0400

I am so happy to finally say I am done with my Junior year of college! Thinking back from the beginning of the semester it was probably one of my hardest semesters. I needed so many blood transfusions, going to classes when I was at my lowest;feeling weak,tired but I do not know how I made it through, but I know God helped me. He gave me strength to keep pushing forward to never give up. I know when we get bad news depression can kick in and the enemy can say lies. But one thing I have learned is to take a break and worship, pray, and write. The more we focus on God rather then the negative around us we will have strength. I think about so many times I have thought and cried I can not do this but i told God I can not. But God showed me I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Even at my lowest God still loved me and continue to loves me. I know sometimes we can get tired of fighting but thats when we need to pray for more faith and strength, that God will increase we will decrease.

One thing I have also learned this semester, its going to sound so simple but God is all we need this world has nothing to offer. Sometimes I have felt I can be so caught up in the world such as life in general. School can get busy life is busy in general. But I have realized that all I need and what is Christ. I don’t want to be part of this world, it has nothing to offer me. I need more of God less of me. I want and desire more of Him. Sometimes I need to get to that place of solitude to re-connect. I love doing that it gives me joy, peace and re-direction.

James 1:17

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 09:03:19 -0400

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.-James 1:17

God is always good, and as I think about the good things God has given me I know its from God, according to James 1:17every good gift is from above. Every good relationship we have been waiting for, job, marriage whatever it may be God always has our best interest. Sometimes we have to go through hardships to teach us a lesson then as we trust God the blessing will come. God always knows everything we need. As I think about my life and the countless blessing I know its from God because God is good and He wants the best. He wants us to be happy, we don’t need to live in doubt but in victory knowing what God has given us is a blessing. Today I will remember my blessing what God has given me, He loves me.

Let.Go.

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 19:39:02 -0400

One thing I know God wants from His people is to surrender. Sometimes we can build walls, these walls can be fear,addictions, anger, pain. God wants us to come to Him to surrender all of our issues. Sometimes walls can hinder us from getting closer to God. God already knows our pain, fear, addictions, He wants us to give everything to Him. When we let go there is freedom. When I think about what is on the other side of the wall, I see freedom, joy and the Glory of God will be revealed. In our suffering God is still good and God will be gloried. Since I have been dealing with letting go and allowing God to dig deep, up root the hurts I look forward to that day when I will be free, God will use my pain for ministry.

relationships..

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:42:41 -0400

The past few days I have been wondering what is a godly relationship? How do we know if the person we are with is the “one”. I know in my past relationships it was not godly, it more about pleasing each other then pleasing God. I want to be a woman who is truly seeking God and glorifying God in my relationship. That man I want to be a man after Gods own heart, desiring the heart of God more then himself. I know I am called into ministry, my life is not my own, it belongs to Jesus. I know God knows I need man who is going to uplift me, pray for me and we will seek the heart of God together.I think we will find the right person when it lines up in our lives what we want to do. Such as does our visions add up, can we see ourselves in ministry or some other type of work? God always know what we need in a relationship, we do not need to be figuring it out, allow God to direct you. God always wants the best. Don’t rush into something, most importantly wait on Gods timing. He is always on time.

Lamentations 3:25

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 20:19:35 -0400

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.-Lamentations 3:25

God knows exactly what we need sometimes we have to go through difficult times to fully rely on God rather then ourselves. As we wait for what God has promised us, could it be healing, a job, marriage, or whatever we are waiting on God for, it will build up character within us. As I am waiting on God more and more for healing, emotionally and physically I know that God has given more strength then ever. Walking through a dark valley and not knowing what is next, but fully relying on God is scary, but it will help us to face whatever we are facing without fear. Giving all of our troubles to God, surrendering our lives to God. God does not give a spirit of fear but of power of love and self discipline. I know that life can be scary many things can be thrown at us, but praying and rejoicing in our suffering and waiting on God is important. I know sometimes we want something right now but God will simply say hold on to my promises what I have told you.

1 peter 5:7

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:18:37 -0400

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

These past weeks have been difficult with the endless amounts of school work and being sick battling severe anemia. I have been been worrying about school and constantly battling in my mind that I am going to fail. Thinking a lot about should of I taken that year off what the doctors suggested back in August.But I always knew that I am determined to complete what I have started. I am not that type of person to give up. But for some reason everything was building up around me , I wanted to quit. But since I have been battling sickness more and more this semester its been rough. Getting blood transfusions often,hemoglobin dropping quickly, memory loss, fatigue, weakness, sometimes I need to remind myself to cast all my anxiety on God for He already knows what I need. God will make a way, God will give me strength in my weakness. Sometimes I don’t sit and think about what I need to do instead I worry and just think negative. I know I need to cast my anxiety on God. God wants to carry my burdens, to take care of me. God always knows best for me. There is a reason and purpose why I have been in school for a long time. I know God has called me into ministry, and I have to always trust God that I know what He is doing in my life and direction He is leading me to.

psalm 23

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 23:20:00 -0400

When I think of dryness one word comes into my mind; desert. A desert is place where there is not much life, everything is dead. Sometimes I feel like when we go through a time in the desert those are moments were we need to keep pushing forward, trusting in Gods faithfulness. In every season God is still God. He is always faithful. In Psalm 23 says I will walk through the valley shadow of death I will fear no evil. Thinking about that Psalm when we go through a valley feeling alone it can be scary but when we put our trust in God and knowing that everything will be ok we have a peace about walking through that certain valley. When we forget what is behind and keep moving forward, we keep our eyes on God not the situation.

Hold on God knows what He is doing.

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 22:23:15 -0500

In life we have many obstacles, we can have many different ones such as sickness, death or finances. Whatever comes our way, just hold on God knows what He is doing. I look at two important people in the bible; Job in the Old Testament and in the New Testament the woman with the 12 year blood flow. Job was struck down, lost family members and became very sick. HIs family and friends told him to curse God and die! But Job never sinned against God. As Job could of easily done that I believe Job had something in Him, he held on to that promise what God has for Him. The promise of healing. God knew Job is a faithful servant of His.

The woman with the 12 year blood flow, was sick went to many doctors. The doctors could not “fix” her. She was losing hope, but when she heard about a man named Jesus who heals. I believe hope began to stir within her. Her hope of healing and being restored was building up within her. When Jesus was in the crowds she touched the hem of His garments. She was instantly healed. I look at this see similarities to her and Job, they both had hope stirred within them knowing that with God greater things were yet to come. They held onto the hope and healing was going to come.

As I look at these two stories, they are a close example to my life. That hope God stirred in me knowing that when I keep on holding on to Him great things will come. For God is a God who doesn’t break His promise. He is my healer, strength and portion. My first love. When people have told me I am weak, I should turn my back on God, for they do not know the promise that God has given me, that is healing and being restored, just like Job and the woman with the 12 year blood flow.

Isaiah 40:29

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 11:06:58 -0500

Sometimes we want something more such as digging deeper into the heart of God, but there can be things hindering us to getting deeper with God. What is it? Past hurts, un forgiveness or negativity? Whatever it is, the biggest step is letting go and trusting in God. But how can we let go of our hurts, shame, un forgiveness? We have to trust in God knowing that everything will be ok.

We have to realize that what happened in the past is the past. Also have to realize that though our hurts God has made us stronger. What you have been through doesn’t define who you are. Whatever hurts you have been through relationships, rejection or abandonment just know that God has saw your pain, He was with you when you went through it all. But right now, letting go is hard but surrendering it all to God saying I trust you. I want to let go and trust you God, knowing you that you have bigger and greater things for me.

I have been down that road of bad relationships, cheated and lied to. It was one of the hardest relationship, I didn’t understand why I was him for 2 years. But I know that God used that bad relationship for His glory. Probably thinking how is that possible? Well, since it was such a bad relationship, it showed me that God used that bad situation to mold me and shape me more into woman of God . He has prepared more to be in the next relationship. Through that relationship it made me stronger. Being more secure within myself, such as my self worth learning about how important I am to God and to others. I cant just settle for less. But above all the past is the past and letting of hurts is difficult but thats when we pray and seek God more and more to be the man or woman of God he wants me to be.

LongSuffering..hmm.

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:44:53 -0500

Well once again its back a time of testing. A time of trusting in God again for a miracle. I will never stop believing that God will heal me. I know that God works everything out for my good. Today was an emotional day, after many months only 2 months but it seems longer of feeling weak, tired, shortness of breathe, dizzy and forgetting things. Having extreme anemia is difficult. The doctors cant figure out what is causing the anemia first they thought it was a medication but, then now they don’t think its the medication but just to be safe they took me off it. But then this week I was feeling water weight come on again. Now the doctor told me the lupus nephritis is being aggressive again. I am leaking protein again. But I know its a time of testing a time of holding on closer to God and that promise He has given me healing. I know above all I live for the glory of God. Right now during this time I still have to praise God, just because things aren’t going as I planned I still have to trust in God. Keep on holding on to the promises of God. As I go into next week, there is a high chance I am getting blood transfusions, because I am in dangerous low levels of anemia. Its going to be real time of more faith and real time of trusting in God once again with my life. [Hebrews 10:36]

Exodus 14:14

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:10:19 -0500

Each and everyday the Lord fights for me. (exodus 14:14) I don’t know what tomorrow will hold but I know who holds my future. I don’t know when I will be completely healed but I will wait patiently for that day and keep holding on and knowing that God is in control. Each and everyday it is rough and its a challenge but I know that I know God is always faithful. I know God is always the one who will never break a promise. God fights for me, He is my strength and portion. Sometimes I struggle with worrying about my future, will these constant challenges ever end? When will I have a day of peace and no more struggles? But as I think and wonder when, all I can think about is God give me a peace knowing that day is getting closer.God give me extra strength to never give up. God truly is my first love and my heart for Him will never change. As much as I can easily give up on God because I haven’t received healing yet, I know God is going to heal me. There is something inside of me that fights and has such a peace that God is my healer.

Power of Prayer.

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 21:37:38 -0500

For intermediate homiletics class I have to read a book called Power of Prayer by E.M Bounds. This quote really stuck out to me:

The real sermon is made in the closet. The man — God’s man — is made in the closet. His life and his profoundest convictions were born in his secret communion with God. The burdened and tearful agony of his spirit, his weightiest and sweetest messages were got when alone with God. Prayer makes the man; prayer makes the preacher; prayer makes the pastor.

Reading this quote a few times and thinking about what the deep meaning of it means. Basically saying when going to a time of solitude and getting rid of everyday distractions, focusing on God rather then the things of everyday life you will find more of the heart of God. Once in the presence of God, that time with Him he will speak to you like never before. My favorite part of this quote is Prayer makes the man; prayer makes the preacher; prayer makes the pastor. This quote can have a different look at it also meaning prayer, how important is it in everyday life? As Christians, leaders and Pastors spending everyday in prayer and being a leader, and example of God its important to be in the heart of God seeking after God everyday. Spending time thinking deeply about this quote stuck out to me, thinking about my own life personally. When was the last time I spent a time in solitude seeking after the heart of God? I had to think back I honestly don’t remember. This quote stuck out to me and made me want to get back to the heart of God. Since I am going to be in full time ministry being in the heart of God is important. That really challenged me, seeking more the heart of God.

surrender.

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:43:53 -0500

Obstacles, perseverance, strength, guidance, obedience, love , hope, faith..all these words run through my mind. wondering if I will ever get through these obstacles but with these obstacles it creates perseverance and strength from God.

Longing to be guided by the one I love, Jesus. I want to obey, trust and listen to His voice. Go to a secret place and be still and know that He is God. Getting rid of the everyday distractions and finding myself in Him.. Wrapped in His love and embracing His presence.

I desire to go and be used by God in a mighty way. I want to share with people hope, love and faith. That Jesus is truly the only way. How my heart breaks to see people around me who don’t have what I have. I will say a silent prayer for them. Am I ready to go? To die or suffer for my one hearts desire?
I will walk by faith and not by sight.

I have been waiting for nine years of healing of sickness but I will not let that stop me from sharing the gospel and wanting to go and make my God famous. The enemy will come in but I will be strong in the Lord. Ready to fight the battle. I am ready to surrender my life even the areas where its uncomfortable. Desiring God to unpack the garbage, God loves to unpack. I am ready…My heart is to go..God, Here I am send me.

Surrendering myself to His prefect will. I will not allow the enemy to come in I have the victory in Christ! Set free from the past and sickness..God, set me on fire I want to burn for you with passion. Use me and fill me. I am giving my life to you Have your way I am done trying to figure things out on my own. God do what you want you know best. Take me by the hand bring me to places that I can’t imagine. I love you and I desire for a deeper love for you each day.

thoughts; thankfulness,hope and love

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 23:05:19 -0500

Reading through my journals looking back of eight years of my life, I can see the amount of hurt I was handling. As I am seeking God on forgiveness of the hurt and pain. I know that I know forgiveness isnt easy. Healing the deep wounds of the past is difficult but when God in the middle of it, God will do the healing. God will re-open that wound to get rid of the deepest hurt. At times when I really need God to help me to love, forgive and not hold on those are the moments I am most thankful that God has shown me and re-opened that wound for healing.

I am thankful that God loves me so deeply that showed me those areas of unforgiveness. As I walk though a journey of emotional healing, and letting go of the deepest pain, it isnt easy. But when is emotional healing ever easy? We have to be obedient and willing to listen to the voice of God. As I think of it this way, if I have something blocking me from growing more in my relationship with God, I don’t want blessing to stop, I dont want to stop myself from growing because of a area in my life is stuck, and blockage. But I know God heals. He heals the broken hearted. He has seen my pain. He has taken me and put me under His wings for comfort.

You are for me.

Sat, 29 Dec 2012 00:14:19 -0500

In times of heart ache and the unknown I know God is always for me. God is always faithful. His love for me greater then what i think or image. God is so patient and always has the best interest in me. I am thankful God already knows what I need. God is always there in my pain, when I cry. I can feel God wiping my tears away. God will never forsake me in my weakness.

Power of Overcoming...

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 16:10:03 -0500

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what HE has promised.-Hebrews 10:36

In circumstances in life praise God, in times when things don’t go our way still Praise God. Being a Christian means to take up your cross daily, we aren’t here on earth to do what we want but to live for the glory of God. We can face hardships, and be struck down but we aren’t destroyed because God is on the throne. He does make everything work together for our good. So if in hardship, don’t focus on the negative its always darkness before dawn. Hold on God knows what He is going. As christians we will endure hardships, we will endure suffering but fear not for God already knows what we need to do to overcome the situation.

Around this time last year, I think back on how my life was, I was full of fear and uncertainty. I had to make a lot of choices that could effect my future, the hardest part was trusting in God that everything will be alright. I made that choice, and it was difficult not knowing. During the entire 9 months of suffering, depression, tears, hair loss, loss of friendships. It was a place of being broken, God came in and decided to use this time of being broken for His glory. It was very hard for me being alone, but I always held on to the promise that God has for me. The promise of healing. The promise of ministry. The promise of being renewed.

In the end of this dark time, how God has totally changed an impossible situation into a possible one. My kidney function is normal, chemo might of changed my appearance but one thing that will never change is the LOVE that I have for God. I truly do know that am I am not of this world, God is calling me. I know He holds my future. So whatever circumstances your facing press on don’t let the circumstances define who you are. You are a child of God. Created for a purpose. The time of hardships is for a season, hold on God already knows what He is doing. Also He already sees the light at the end of the tunnel even if we don’t.

unknown....

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 12:33:53 -0500

In the times in life when we just don’t know who to turn to, or who to trust. We can easy trust in God. In Psalm 146: 3 it says “Do not put your trust in princes. Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.” People will fail us but God wont ever fail us. In those times of darkness we feel we don’t have hope but strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. Trusting in God and not leaning on our own understanding can be difficult we can want something right now and but the hard part is waiting. But good things come to those who wait. What have you been waiting for? A miracles, a answer to prayer? Whatever it is, don’t worry about tomorrow or any other day for God knows all things. Simply put your hope, trust and understanding in Him. We may not know what tomorrow holds but we do know who holds tomorrow and our future.

Worship the Lord Your God.

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 15:21:31 -0500

Worship. Giving God His worth.
What is the God of the universe worth?
What can we give to the one who gives us everything?
Our talents. Our time. Our lives.
The fact that we label those things as “ours” shows how much we don’t understand-everything we think we “have” is a gift from Him.
Even the very air that you just breathe-thats from Him.

What do we give to the God who went beyond just giving us life and gave us enternal life? What can we give the one who abandoned the throne of eternity to come as a subject of death of a criminal to pay for our deathly rebellion? How much is that worth?
OUR LIVES.

John 10:10

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 10:03:00 -0500

Over thanksgiving break, I did a bunch of blood work for my check up on my levels. On thursday afternoon I got a call from one of the doctors, that the protein in my kidneys has gone up and I am very anemic. I have to be honest I did cry, I felt discouraged, but I cant be mad at God. I know Gods plan for me is bigger then what I can think or image. For the past few days this verse has been coming into my mind when I wake up “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.-John 10:10

I was thinking what is something in my life the enemy wants to steal from me? Joy? Peace? Health? Whatever it is, I know that the enemy doesn’t have the best interest in me. Then the next word is kill. As I was re-reading that word “kill” it seems so harsh with that word, but its true. The enemy doesn’t want me to live my life to what God wants from me. He wants me to live in the flesh, but I choose to live my life according to Christ. The enemy wants to destory me bringing me down, and tell me that God won’t heal. But as I look back on my life the enemty has tried so many times in my life to steal, kill and destory me. But God has saved my life. I know this time, God is saying Candace trust me I have great plans for you. My heart is pulling towards a healing ministry. How can I start a healing ministry and witness to ours about the greatness of God, if I haven’t gone through the suffering? I know God is able. I know that enemy wants to bring me down. But just know that is faithful, through everything.